Ben Behind His Voices

Starred review from August 1, 2011
In this must-read for any family struggling with mental illness, Kaye offers a gripping account of her son's battle with schizophrenia. Until Ben was 15, Kaye believed that patience, structure, therapy, and love were the solutions to Ben's academic and social challenges, mood swings, and drug and alcohol abuse. Having struggled to find help for Ben as his illness went unnamed and incorrectly diagnosed, Kaye provides helpful and informative guideposts throughout the book. Now a teacher for, and advocate of, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), Kaye covers everything from helping siblings understand a new family dynamic, to managing involuntary commitment proceedings, to getting patients "into the system." Kaye readily acknowledges that no one learns this information voluntarily and reminds readers that it's impossible to reason with mental illness. Along the way, she shares her fundamental belief in love, humor, and hope. This well-written, well-researched, and brutally honest book will provide information, inspiration, and encouragement for many parents.

Starred review from November 28, 2011
When Randye Kaye’s high school age son, Ben, shows symptoms of what will eventually be diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenia, it is at once exasperating, befuddling, and deeply frightening for Kaye’s family. There is no true recovery from schizophrenia, and Ben goes through numerous treatments, hospitalizations (five alone in 2001), and even a period of homelessness. This extremely affecting memoir is made more potent by author Randye Kaye’s background as a professional voice actor. Besides providing crisp, brisk narration, Kaye is exceptional at creating a sense of intimacy with listeners. We hear in Kaye’s performance her simmering frustration as Ben begins to act out in unexpected ways, her confusion as Ben’s symptoms often inexplicably change, her motherly concern during Ben’s moments of sudden vulnerability, and her sadness when she realizes that Ben’s schizophrenia will be a permanent aspect of both his life and his family’s. A Rowman & Littlefield hardcover.

June 15, 2011

A mother wrestles with the advent of her son's schizophrenia and its long, painful unfolding.

Not quite 30 now, the eponymous Ben has weathered many storms within his mind and attempted to calm them with drugs and booze. By mother Kaye's account, he's normal in some ways—he "loves nature, children, fantasy video games, helping others, the Indianapolis Colts, Thanksgiving with the family, and vegetarian Thai food." Yet it is in the nature of schizophrenia to overturn all that is normal, introducing terror into the lives of those who suffer from it—and those who live with them. Kaye details multiple episodes of madness requiring hospitalization, five times in 2003 alone, each of them calling for resourceful response; but, as she writes, no one in her family quite knew what to do or how to respond. Ben is in remission now, but, Kaye adds, there is no "cure" for schizophrenia, and even as Ben feels the weight of his illness, his "family feels isolated, stigmatized, and often very alone." The author does not play the pity card; indeed, sometimes her prose can seem a touch too matter-of-fact. She is eminently helpful, particularly in the matter of self-medication, which so many of the mentally ill prefer to taking the medications that have been prescribed for them. And for good reason: In a table toward the end of the book, Kaye lists the many excuses for "medication noncompliance," with entirely reasonable causes such as "they don't like side effects (weight gain, sexual performance, sedated feeling)" and "fear of becoming medication-dependent." The author's wariness and weariness come through, but so does her optimism that, with adherence to his regime of medication, her son can one day hold a job, attend school and perhaps even live on his own.

From a literary point of view, Kaye's account pales next to Patrick Cockburn's Henry's Demons (2011), but it's heartfelt and surely of help to those new to living with mentally ill loved ones of their own.

(COPYRIGHT (2011) KIRKUS REVIEWS/NIELSEN BUSINESS MEDIA, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.)

July 1, 2011

It's the reason parents fear the teenage years--the all-too-common story of a happy, well-adjusted child who slowly spirals into rebelliousness, disaffection, and apathy. Such teens may drop out of school or stop studying, indulge in drugs and alcohol, and possibly commit petty crime. When Kaye's son Ben gradually became "troubled," she tried all of the usual remedies: therapy, tough love, and special camps and schools, but nothing worked. Instead, he became increasingly emotionally unavailable and uninterested in taking care of himself and was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia. Like many sufferers, Ben doesn't acknowledge his illness and hates the side effects of the medication he needs to function. In the latter part of the book, Kaye describes what she goes through to ensure that her son takes his medication and has a safe place to live. VERDICT An illuminating portrait of a parent coping with the guilt and heartbreak that come from feeling like one can't "fix" one's child. Recommended for anyone who is involved with teens or those with mental disorders, and a darn good read for memoir fans.--Mary Ann Hughes, Shelton WA

Copyright 2011 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

August 1, 2011
Kaye's detailed record of her son Ben's terrifying schizophrenia and terrifyingly slow descent into it may strike a chord with parents encountering similar behaviors in their own teens. Because the onset of Ben's illness was so gradual, everyone chalked up his initial symptomsextreme withdrawal, falling grades, and moreto a particularly virulent case of adolescent hormones. Denial did play a role in missing clues, but only because Kaye, like many, had no experience with mental illness. Even professionals (teachers, therapists, school administrators) overlooked an obvious-in-hindsight warning flag when the 16-year-old insisted he didn't need to stay in school. Naturally, single mom Kaye tried everything within the limits of her resources to guide Ben from his self-defeating behaviors. Each effort was promising but sadly short-lived. Afterward, the sweet, loving child she once knew would become obscured by an increasingly unkempt, unreliable stranger. Alas, Ben's eventual diagnosis and treatment was just the beginning. Schizophrenia is a chronic, lifelong illness that hangs in a delicate balance of medication and vigilance.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2011, American Library Association.)

June 15, 2011

A mother wrestles with the advent of her son's schizophrenia and its long, painful unfolding.

Not quite 30 now, the eponymous Ben has weathered many storms within his mind and attempted to calm them with drugs and booze. By mother Kaye's account, he's normal in some ways--he "loves nature, children, fantasy video games, helping others, the Indianapolis Colts, Thanksgiving with the family, and vegetarian Thai food." Yet it is in the nature of schizophrenia to overturn all that is normal, introducing terror into the lives of those who suffer from it--and those who live with them. Kaye details multiple episodes of madness requiring hospitalization, five times in 2003 alone, each of them calling for resourceful response; but, as she writes, no one in her family quite knew what to do or how to respond. Ben is in remission now, but, Kaye adds, there is no "cure" for schizophrenia, and even as Ben feels the weight of his illness, his "family feels isolated, stigmatized, and often very alone." The author does not play the pity card; indeed, sometimes her prose can seem a touch too matter-of-fact. She is eminently helpful, particularly in the matter of self-medication, which so many of the mentally ill prefer to taking the medications that have been prescribed for them. And for good reason: In a table toward the end of the book, Kaye lists the many excuses for "medication noncompliance," with entirely reasonable causes such as "they don't like side effects (weight gain, sexual performance, sedated feeling)" and "fear of becoming medication-dependent." The author's wariness and weariness come through, but so does her optimism that, with adherence to his regime of medication, her son can one day hold a job, attend school and perhaps even live on his own.

From a literary point of view, Kaye's account pales next to Patrick Cockburn's Henry's Demons (2011), but it's heartfelt and surely of help to those new to living with mentally ill loved ones of their own.

(COPYRIGHT (2011) KIRKUS REVIEWS/NIELSEN BUSINESS MEDIA, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.)